An Apt Summary of Contested Divorce Cases

From the Onion: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/the_divorce_was_unfortunate_but

"There's no reason divorce has to be a terrible experience. What's important is that we both know in our heart of hearts that our divorce was as bad as it could be. It's a comfort to think that the utter dissolution of our marriage was as ugly as humanly possible, without resorting to actual, physical violence. After all, we're adults, right? There's no reason we shouldn't handle this matter with the maturity of two screaming, biting five-year-olds.

If not for us, then for our children. Or should I say your child and my child, now that the custody battles are finally settled?

Well, my darling ex-husband, it has certainly been memorable being your wife, your lover, and the counterclaimant in several vicious lawsuits. Even though our marriage has come to an end in the most spiteful manner possible, I hope that when you think of me, your once-wife, and the life we shared together, some part of you will always know that you can suck my dick, you two-faced, no-good fuckhead. I hope you burn in hell."